2010-07-28

Happiness super market

I’ve been into the triptych “love-beauty-enlightenment” since I was 18. I’ve tried many methods, among which: the Emin Way, Reiki, SRT, channeling and divinations of sorts. I’ve read tons of New Age books about spirituality, enlightenment, immortality and so on and so on. I boasted that I knew things that others did not, thought of myself as something extraordinary and waited to be adored by all creation in return. Every day I uttered deliberations to bring prosperity, love and happiness my way. I believed in my co-creator powers. Thus, I engaged heavily in meditation and visualizations – and was very sharp, if not downright rude, if someone had the nerve to interrupt my important engagements. I thought I had become enlightened, you see, that in some sense I was in this world but not of it.

There is no safest way to the rosy clouds. When putting yourself in such a situation, you essentially put it at the center of the world. Everything and everybody else just orbits around you as if of secondary importance. In a way, you become your own sun and get blinded, as a consequence. It’s a little bit like holding a lantern. You allow yourself only a very limited view: your body and just a few inches around it. And then you become so absorbed in what you see that you are convinced there is nothing else. In reality, you are holding a lantern in broad daylight, somehow like the Hermit card in the Tarot pack.

I would have stayed in this trance forever, if it weren’t for a series of hard jolts that brought me back to my senses. They actually forced me to lift my head and look around. And what I saw just made me gasp. Life had eluded me all these years. I thought I was living it to the maximum, but what I was really living was a self-delusion. I had even come to the point of lifting my shoulders in apathy when learning about other people’s hardships: they brought it to themselves, I thought. They are paying for old or new sins; they have no idea how things work.

Well, it turned out that neither did I. I thought of life as a big happiness super market and of world as a place of infinite joy and pleasure. I clang to it like babies cling to their feeding bottle, shut reality out and felt free to criticize everyone and everything. Such a fool that I was! Life was passing me by all these years that I spent in meditation, in contemplation of “beauty and love”, in certitude that I was enlightened.

Well, the world holds many things that are plainly ugly. We humans are so imperfect as a species and so predictable that it is almost alarming. But it’s OK. Even if the world is both ugly and beautiful and me imperfect and transparent, it’s OK. I’m still alive. And, at least now, I have the chance to begin to understand humility…

10 comments:

ersi said...

According to one system, generosity is the highest worldly virtue and humility is the lowest (foundational, the first) spiritual virtue. The step from the worldly to the (truly) spiritual is always revolutionary.

Of course, there are other systems, because there are people with different constitutions, but the essence of the ladder is the same. This is how I relate to it, if you permit...

Christina Linardaki said...

Of course I permit. Always.

I take it you agree with me, then. At least now I am taking the first step to the right direction...

Meow said...

"thought of myself as something extraordinary and waited to be adored by all creation in return."

(I am still the one adoring you :P) I think perception of life constantly changes becoz of our experiences and development in life.

If life is a supermarket, happiness is very dear to me yet cost me nothing as it can be picked up anywhere, anytime if I want. It's my choice.

Some people usually just live lives how they always have, and it may be the time you wish for something more than the limitation that life present before you.

Good luck!

Christina Linardaki said...

"If life is a supermarket, happiness is very dear to me yet cost me nothing as it can be picked up anywhere, any time I want."

You know, my dear Meow, there is a huge difference between (i) seeing reality and take it positively, like you do, which is a healthy way to go about life, and (ii) not seeing reality at all, but create imaginary conditions for feeling joy and pleasure instead. It's like escaping from reality altogether.

"Some people usually just live lives how they always have, and it may be the time you wish for something more than the limitation that life present before you
This is how it starts. Our personality is exactly and always the reaction to the life present before us. In fact, this is how (and why) personality is created - because we want to change what is present before us in order to feel safe.

"(I am still the one adoring you :P)"
Same here from me to you!

Meow said...

"You know, my dear Meow, there is a huge difference between (i) seeing...."

Yes, I understand. But the choice is upon us. I know there are variables in our life journey, it’s not saying, I want to live a happy life, then I can live without any barriers, sorrow, sadness, difficulties etc. and there is no short-cut also, I know different people has different perception of happiness as well, but how to manage, how to face the problems, we have our choices. For those who choose to escape from reality, then..nothing can be help except their ownselves.

I am still learning to live a happy life that suits me (so far I have lived my life for others, not myself...it's time for me to change).

People always said how to live a meaningful life, I dont think doing some great things mean meaningful (how great?? incapable me??), up to this moment (may change anytime) I wish when I close my eyes (forever) one day, I smile and feel no regret for this journey!!

James S. said...

"And, at least now, I have the chance to begin to understand humility…"

Maybe you left this run-on sentence for another post. We often confuse humility with timidity. Humility is not clothing ourselves in an attitude of self-abasement or self-denigration. Humility is all about maintaining our pride about who we are, about our achievements, about our worth - but without arrogance - it is the antithesis of hubris, that excessive, arrogant pride which often leads to the downfall of the tragic hero in your Greek drama. It's about a quiet confidence without the need for audaciousness. It's about being content to let others discover the layers of our talents without having to boast about them. It's a lack of arrogance, not a lack of aggressiveness in the pursuit of achievement.

It would seem to me you have accomplished quite a bit and I just can't see you as ever having been arrogant.

Christina Linardaki said...

Sorry, folks, I am not online during the weekend, usually. Weekends are reserved for my family only.:)

@Meow
For those who choose to escape from reality, then..nothing can be help except their ownselves. My point exactly.

I am still learning to live a happy life that suits me (so far I have lived my life for others, not myself...it's time for me to change). There is a subtle point of balance between being considerate of others and not losing oneself. We cannot turn our backs to other people; after all, humanity is one of the reasons why we are called human. At the same time, we cannot lose sight of ourselves...

Christina Linardaki said...

@James
I enjoyed your definition of humility. I think what you are describing: It's about a quiet confidence without the need for audaciousness is rather a side-effect of humility, some sort of self-assertiveness.

But you are right. Humility doesn't involve giving up one's strength. It rather involves not bragging about it and putting it into perspective.

Anonymous said...

I would like to exchange links with your site cleareaching.blogspot.com
Is this possible?

Christina Linardaki said...

I'm a computer idiot, you know. I'm not even sure I understand your question. I have a "Share it" button in the right column, but I guess you are referring to something else. If you can enlighten me more, I might be able to come up with a solution to -what seems to be an interesting proposal.